Wednesday, December 5, 2007

The Boyfriend

Would You be happier with him? This question keeps popping up in my mind when I hear You talk about him. I feel numb. I feel like I'm standing on quicksand, unsure of my importance to You.

I've thought about it several times. Who would You choose between us? My mind has been revolving around these for the last few days. No matter how I think about it, it always seems to me that He has the upper hand. He's much more successful in life than I am, probably smarter and better at most things than I am. He would be the logical choice, from a parent's standpoint.

From what I hear from You, he is very much assimilated into your life and with your family as well. It is at times like this when I truly feel like an outsider, a wrecker. Whenever I see that ring on You, my heart just sinks as it would if it was on a rollercoaster ride, spiralling down out of control.

It hurts me, so much that it leaves me gasping for air.

Dear Lord, help me please. Guide me to what I should do.

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