The Letter

I was shocked and hurt by what You wrote. But I don't blame You. I must make You feel that way because of my past. I just know it. I'm sorry for hurting You. Sorry for getting You embroiled in all this. I love You, please be happy.

Happy Cooking and Baking!

I loved your Pineapple Fried Rice as well as the Cookies. Just delicious. You're going to become a great cook. I'm pretty sure of it. Watching You cook today made me felt like we were happily married and enjoying spending our lives together. You'll make a great wife. Perhaps, my mind was once again drifting too far into dreamland. The place where everything is perfect. It was just heartwarming. I don't really know how to put those feelings into words. If I was insane enough, I might have asked You to marry me then. Would You?

With those said, I wonder how You feel about me and where all this is headed for. Are we doomed or do we actually have a glimmer of hope to hold and cling on to?

Just Another Shopping Spree

Our trip to Polo Park today was long and arduous. I'm pretty sure You would agree with me. I'm deeply apologetic that we had to make so many detours and transfers along the way. But, since I had You by my side through it all, it was always going to be alright.

Going on dates with You is proving to be an addiction. I just love your company. You once again dressed to impress; just dazzling today. I wonder if You wore that top purposely. You were wearing that same top that had me caught up in your "web". I had lots of fun today. I hope You felt the same way too. I must say that we shopped till we dropped. =p. I realised that I'm slowly getting used to feeling like your "boyfriend". I wonder if that's a good thing.

I'm enjoying the fun and times spent with You while it lasts. I have to constantly tell myself that. Otherwise, I would just be reminded of the fact that one day, You will leave me. It hurts too much, I cannot live like that.

The Silly People, The Missed Hug

When I left You tonight, I wanted to hug you goodbye. But for some reason, I couldn't and didn't. I was surprised and sad to hear from You that You wanted to run back out and hug me goodbye too. It was reminiscent of what actually happens in dramas. Don't You think? It was just really sweet. Thank you for the thought. We are both silly people. We should just probably do what our hearts tell us to do, since time is not on our side. Saying that phrase "Time is not on our side" brings a tinge of sadness to me.

Why oh why, does fate make a mockery out of me?!

When You're Gone

When You're Gone
Avril Lavigne

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do, I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

Our First Shopping Spree

Shopping with You was very enjoyable and comfortable. It gave me a taste of what it would have been like to have been your boyfriend. Thank you. Being with You today and looking at You gave me a warm feeling. I guess, that would be what people will call as being in love. It was so wonderful that it felt too good to be true. I had to always be wary of the slap on my face which would bring me back to reality.

Looking at You while watching the movie made me realise that You're really beautiful. Any guy would be proud to have You as a girlfriend. I'm terribly sorry for the constant staring during the movie. I just couldn't take my eyes off You.

The movie today "Dan in Real Life", was in my opinion, heartwarming yet ironic. I wonder if You remembered how the storyline went. It was sweet to see the main characters to be able to end up together in the end. It kind of mirrored our "relationship" which was "forbidden". I wonder if we might or could hope to also have a fairytale ending like them. I really do hope so, even though I am fully aware of the harsh reality.

I am uncertain of what the future holds. I am afraid to lose You.

The Postcard

You're finally back. I'm so happy! I realised that, as time goes by, the more in love I am with You. I guess that's a good thing. At least, for me, it is.

It was sweet of You to get me a postcard in Calgary. I didn't expect it. Really. Though I was struggling to read, actually decipher, what You wrote, I think I got the gist of it. But I wanted to hear it from You. So I pretended that I couldn't make out the words. I'm sorry. I just thought that it would be really sweet to hear it from You.

And guess what? I was really touched by your words. Thoughts like "You contemplated changing your flight, in order to spend alittle more time in Winnipeg." and "You concurred that if we met earlier and really dated, we'd last really long". They really touched my heart. I could have easily teared. But I guess I shouldn't be such a crybaby in front of You.

I told You that I love You. You asked me if I knew what love was. I don't profess to know what love is. But at least, my feelings for You now are really special. I do know that You matter alot to me.

Today, You asked me, "What's with your nick? sounds so sad." Well, my nick is, "Even if I erase, throw away and forget..." It sounds sad like this, but there's a second part to it that I didn't put up. This second part is, "You'll still be in my heart, forever." There are many things that I want to tell you actually, many things I want to do with you. But I guess, it's hard for you morally. I wonder if You're struggling within yourself. I'll be really sad if that's true. Sometimes, I wonder if I should back off.

I'll say that I'm not a religious person. But I thank God sincerely, that I met you. Whilst at the same time, the feelings of regret that I didn't meet you earlier and what might have been is just overwhelming and often too hard to bear. My heart hurts.

I'm sorry. I'm just in love with You. I can't help myself. Someone, save me please...

One more day to go..

Finally, one more day till You return. I can't wait for the time to fly right past me. I can't wait to see you again. I can't believe it's only Sunday now. Time is just happy to crawl by me, testing my patience. Fly faster, Time!

The invention of the SMS is a wonder. Thanks to it, we've managed to keep in touch with each other.

You said, "you're just cute, jem. :)" Although I get that from girls quite often, but because You said that, I felt really warm.

I said,"You're just lovely". You replied,"You're the first one to say that". I wish I'll be the first one to tell you many more things.

Over the weekend, I talked to one of my best girl-friends. I told her about us while keeping everything anonymous. I told her how much I missed You. She had just one conclusion; that I was lovesick. Well, I didn't expect that. But I guess I really do miss You ALOT! Come back quick!

I'm pretty high now, probably because I know You're coming back tomorrow.

Missing You crazily..

I feel like I'm flying..

I wonder how You're doing over there. I wish I could be beside you this very moment. As expected, I couldn't stop thinking of You today. Even when I tried to drown myself in work, I still thought of You. I've come to a conclusion today. I am truly in love with You.

It was great to talk to You via sms. I was really glad to hear from You. I wondered if You missed me like how I missed You. You sent me a sms saying, that You did, You missed holding my hand. Thank You for sharing that with me. It really made my day, even though I had a hard time getting through today just from missing You.

This feeling is hard to put in words, but the closest that I came to was that it gave me a sense of flying. I hope You'll enjoy this trip. I'm right here struggling, waiting for Your return.

Missing You crazily, sweet dreams my love.

I don't want to be the one.

I was left stunned by what You said to me last night.

I remember clearly that, after our first kiss, You said You were sorry that I fell for you. I remember clearly that, after our first kiss, You said it was because You'd break my heart, one day, eventually.

But I never expected you to say that "one day, I would break your heart too".

I don't mind having my heart broken by You. I said that from the very beginning. But I wish I won't be one to break Your heart. Simply because I'd break my own heart too, doing that. That hurts, insanely.

Just what is the right thing to do? Loving someone is hard, isn't it? One day, I'll ask you to promise me that You'll be happy always, even when I'm not beside you. That would be enough for me, I hope. I hope I will learn, in time to come, that that's the most I'll be able to ask of you.

You're flying off again.

You're leaving for Calgary tomorrow. I know it's just a 4 day trip. But even so...

You'll never know how I felt when you went for the road trip to Minnesota. I wished that you might have spent tonight with me. Perhaps, I'm wishing for too much. Perhaps, I'm once again hoping for too much. You are risking alot as it is, by being with me now. I guess I should be grateful and not ask for the world.

Anyway, I wish You a safe trip and I'll be waiting eagerly for your return.

Bon voyage, my love.

Even if I erase, throw away and forget...

Even if I erase, throw away and forget...
Shin Hye Sung

Like how all the flowers bloom towards the sky
Like how the Sun always sets in the same place
I can't help being like that
Only towards You

As always, the things which I want most
As always, I lose them the earliest
In this sad world, loving sadly
I was happy for only a while

I love you too much
Missing you crazily
I am still crying
Even though I want to see you, want to talk to you, want to hug you
Even though it hurts just to breathe, I still try to hold myself back with all my strength

Like how the heavy rain stops
Can my tears stop as well?
When the scenes of memories make me sad
Where should I go to cry?

I love you too much
Missing you crazily
I am still crying
Even though I want to see you, want to talk to you, want to hug you
Even though it hurts just to breathe, I still try to hold myself back with all my strength

I never had you for even a moment
How can I say that I've lost you?

Don't love me
I will bear all the pain by myself
Don't love me
My sad tears, lips and fingertips
Will not hold on to you anymore

Please be happy..

I wish I knew the "Secret".

I created this, in order to capture my emotions during this unspeakable romance. The only way that I can let it all out, before I lose my sanity.

It seems like a dream so far. A sweet dream until reality comes crashing in inevitably.

Under your recommendation, I watched "Secret" today. A touching story. If I could play the piano and had the manuscript, I'd do the same, in hope that we didn't have to meet like this, like now. Maybe then, we might have stood a chance. All I wish is for a chance, but it seems impossible. Simply because the world is not perfect. In the end, I guess I'm being silly by still holding on to some hope or miracle, however little that that may be, that things will eventually work out alright.

I remember, after I kissed you for the first time, telling you that I just wanted to love you. I still do, but the uncertainty of the future frightens me. The thought of knowing when this will all expire before it even started frightens me, puts me down. I just wished that I was someone, someone important to you. As expected, I cannot see myself being just a passerby in your life. It would just hurt too much.

I'm struggling with myself; one tells me to just love you with all my heart while it lasts. The other wants to keep you by my side until the end of time. People say that 不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有. Is that really true? Just what should I do?